sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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