New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
