Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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