Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
farters have to be the big spoon...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
