i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
