She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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