My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
