I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
