Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
