come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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