Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
