ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize