STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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