Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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