YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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