Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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