She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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