doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
