once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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