We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
