Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
