If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
