why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
