I hate your face
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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