I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
