Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
