Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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