there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize