I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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