remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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