i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
tonight lets celebrate not being married
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
