Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Did I show you my penis last night?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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