Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
