The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
