Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
