Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
