Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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