You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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