I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
