EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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