so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
