i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
