She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I died a long time ago.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
we're so committed to being not committed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
