My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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