i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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