Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
