you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
