His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
