Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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