their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
