allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
