My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
