im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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