Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
