Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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