Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
