I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
