we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
