is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
