He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
