The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
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I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.