Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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