Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference