And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.