Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.