He kissed a someone with a penis
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
