How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
