Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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