he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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