I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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