i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
