i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
